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By: Stephen Feinberg

Know what my favorite commercial on the Olympics is so far? This one.

I know it’s a craptastic riff on Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

I know that it’s a Trojan Horse for metered internet access.

I don’t care. I love it. You know why? Because it’s 100% Olympics-free.

No slo-mo. No idealized human forms flying through space. No adoring, rapturous parents. And no stinkin’ rings.

I’m not sure what’s going on here—did they not pay up for sponsorship rights? The spots are clearly running in the national feed, as opposed to local, and every other advertiser in the pod is Olympic up the wazoo: United, P&G, TD Ameritrade, Kelloggs, etc. etc.

Whatever. After endless faux-Chariots of Fire soundtracks and strained visual metaphors (United Airlines, I’m talking to you), this piece of straightforward retail shlock is like cool water in the desert.

Verizon: Official absolutely nothing of the Olympic Games. Thank you.